A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
