His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
youre lurking in front of me
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't want my vagina anymore.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
