The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
