her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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