Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
