I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
