You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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