you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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