Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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