Define "chronic" masturbator.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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