I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
