Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
