Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
