your parents love me but you hate me
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
