I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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