Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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