This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
