508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
