girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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