I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
