I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
