ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
