he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
it's like iHOP with fire
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
