I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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