It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
