The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
