Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I am available for nakedness
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
