He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
