U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
