And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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