you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
