I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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