Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
