he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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