But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
