my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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