Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
