how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
