So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
