Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
