i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
