Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
