how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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