btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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