Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
