the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
