I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
