Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
