It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
