I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
