so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
