my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Everything about him screamed your future.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
